Some emotional wounds are deep and I'm not sure if they will ever heal. I grew over time to feel like it was not really safe to show weakness, even around loved ones and "friends". Some of the most critical people I've ever dealt with are those related to me. It was always my fault. No one took the time to even try to look at things from my perspective. I made excuses for them, but nobody ever made excuses for me. I've been held more than accountable for every freaking mistake. Before I could even make a mistake, I was corrected. Never caught a freaking break. No matter how supportive I have been, there have been so many times I was left to fight alone. They leaned, there was a shoulder to cry on...I leaned, and I fell to the floor. There was no support available to stop me from falling. Never had that understanding and care reciprocated. It is a pretty painful realization. I don't think my heart could ever be whole again. I want to believe in the possibility, but past events revolve around my mind at times...words people have said, words they didn't say, things they've done, and things they didn't do. It's to the point where I don't know how to really let people care when they make it clear they truly want to help. Maybe I believe I'm not deserving of genuine care at this point because of all the neglect and betrayal I have faced. Extreeeemely high probability.

No one has to respond. Just me letting some thoughts and feelings out while immersed in thoughts and feelings. Good God this basically typed itself.