I honestly don't know what happened. I was fine all day, albeit a bit stressed, but I was in the diner with my son and BAM I felt like I'd been hit by a truck. The blackest, most intense depression just enveloped me. I think it's just a reaction from seeing old couples in the diner. Sometimes when I notice the old couples I get very upset about losing my husband. I'm kind of a mess in my mind right now. I'm so sad because I miss him, resentful because this wasn't supposed to happen, angry at him for being so stupid and dying, and hopeless that I'll ever find anyone else.

Ugh I was gonna relax with a glass of wine tonight but I think I'm just going to go to bed as soon as my son does and try to sleep this off. Hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow.