I'm so very sorry you deal with this. I can relate to many things you've said and I too think that doctors cannot help. Maybe the right therapist can? I hope you find some peace in your life and I'm sorry for all you've lost. I'm just now truly realizing that all the people I've lost who I once wished were still in my life were abusive or not good for me. Im very lucky however and have my share of wonderful people who have stuck around, even when it might have been easier to walk away. It sounds like you've lost some that were good and I'm so sorry to hear that. Don't give up on yourself, you have the potential for happiness and truly beneficial relationships going forward. Love yourself and remember you are worth whatever it takes to get better. You deserve to feel better.

I know that many of the mental health issues I suffer will never go away and all I can do is find ways to accept and work around them....but at least I now feel I deserve better than what's been done to me in the past and that helps. I hope you can find a way to accept that some things might stick around but that doesn't mean you can't get better(((Hugs)))