Hey Mr. Stranger. I just wanted to share and say I have similar inner experiences. I went to a jewelry making class the other day, and I felt like I said some stupid things. I do now see it that I am harder on myself than I should be, and I wonder if this might be your case too. It sounds like there's a "gap" between who you are, and who you want to be, and you're really struggling with that. Maybe it's not that big a deal though. Maybe you're ok, just the way you are. Not everyone is a people person. There are different degrees and types of people, nothing wrong with any of them. You are most probably the only one being hard on yourself. One more thing: I tend to have a skewed vision of myself, and one time, a person I'd known for only a short time said to me (because I expressed concern about how i seem to others) "You seem fine. And when your nervous quirks come out, it's really quite charming." I was over the moon happy with this encouragement. I wonder, Mr. Stranger, how you might feel if someone said that to you. it's quite possible and probable that you are the only one beating yourself up. I hope someday you can accept yourself as you are, even if you decide you want to work on some things too.