Thanks for your responses everyone.

biochE - It is an issue of control. I thought about hurting others as a toddler, and choked by sister when i was in elementry school a couple times. But this was ultimately curbed by a great family, and video games. As i went off to college, i started pushing boundaries with people i didnt know and with my girl friend as well. After we broke up, i got thrown out of several parties for choking people. Mostly female friends, once a random male during beer pong. As time went on, these sexual fantasies started to merge with the idea of taking a life. I have enough self control to prevent it, but it feels like a need at this point. I have all of the equipment and sometimes carry it with me down town. Last fall i hid behind a tree with a hammer, but ended up coming home. I haven't aggressed on anyone for three years, but BP has been crippling my ability to hold down a job, and the frustration of failure coupled with the devastating loss of control i have both mentally and in regards to work, has been leading me in a desperate, "what do i have to lose" state of mind. I can get suicidal as well, but on lithium i feel like i am more likely to act out toward others, as it helps with my depression. I unfortunately, just do not respect or care for human life in general.