The last 4 and a half years have been a mixture of mania and depression. I wasn't experiencing bipolar symptoms before though I may have had a depression and maybe one slightly manic episode. Yeah, I think the fact that my father left when I was 5 contributes to the pain of this loss. And the fact that I haven't found anyone else since. But I've been struggling with depression and mania. And it doesn't help that my biological clock is ticking and so my mind keeps going back to the person I could've had a child with.