I know that there's some kind of rule out there that states teenage girls are meant to run into turmoil with their mothers. Okay, never did that because my mom and my dad fight like the dickens.

My mom, being of a subordinate, weak nature, never fights back with him, and for eighteen years I have been her scape goat from reality. The one that she takes her anger out on. And I did nothing to her. For the first half of my life, I have sympathised with her weak, unfortunate soul. In return I reccieved misuse. Years and years of unintentional bad parenting.

I used to be a cutter. Because of her. She made me feel subhuman, whenever she would yell at me, I felt like I was worthless, not meant to be born, not human. When she found out I was a cutter, and she learned I did it because of her, things changed, for a day.

She's still mean to me, tells me not to cry, I have no rights to feel, I shouldn't be sad... when I have to bear the burden of her childlish reasoning. I can't stand it. I stopped cutting because of a best friend who loved me, but she didn't even care. She didn't show any regard.

She caught me in the act of cutting myself once. Her words? "Clean that up or you'll make a mess."

I can't take it. When she talks to me, I want to die.