Jenna, I am sorry for the deep sense of loss you feel. It is so real for you. I wish there were words that could help, but all I can do is listen and empathize.

There are things you can do other than traveling back to Africa. Which ones seem appropriate to you is your decision. Here are some options.

Write a series of letters to your mom, or a diary or a journal where you share your thoughts with them. Writing out your wishes and regrets can help release those so they are not so emotionally charged.

Take some sacred object or a button or even a picture wrapped in plastic and make a shrine either in your house or in your backyard in a place that will not attract neighbor's attention. Then you can "visit" with your mom whenever you feel the need.

Reach out to any relatives who knew your mom and have them share what they know. Maybe some of them have recipes your mom used and you could try making them too.

Go to Ancestry.com and track her ancestors with info you get from relatives on who her parents were and where they were born and when.

Well that is a few ideas. Send me a message if you want to discuss more or reply to this post.