For the first few years I've had to be bluntly and 110% honest and open about all my thoughts and feelings with both doctors and family, now I can't keep my mouth shut and it bugs my family now (even though I used to never speak around them)

The worst part of my illness are the flashbacks and the imagining of what the next hospitalization might look like. Mostly happens either when I'm manic or near my hospitalization date (Jan 9th). I'm currently manic and I have spent a lot of time the past week imagining being 5150 again.