I am best when I am alone in the sense I feel I am being myself. With even one person I become someone else. I lose my sense of self.

Of course it gets worse as the number of people increases. My issue when I am around people is that I don't know what to say, and I don't know what to do, and I am afraid to look at people. It is awkward when you find yourself like this. I am not sure if you completely understand what I am saying.

I guess people are trying to be polite, so of course no one would tell me I am being weird and awkward, but I can feel how that affects their view of me. I am not being taken seriously and and I am being marginalized. It's always been like this for me.

I do think I have a negative image of myself because of my low self esteem, which comes true when I try to come out of my shell. But I don't know how to break this cycle.

If someone complimented me, probably I wouldn't take it seriously. Instead I would probably take it as a gesture of politeness. I had many people complimented me, yet no one showed any real interest in me. Compliments in these cases mean very little, if anything.

More than one said I need to accept myself. What does this mean? To isolate myself completely, or it means something else? Because I feel myself the most when I am alone, but as I alluded, I am missing on things in life that I would like to experience. This is why I am in such pain. I feel comfortable alone, but I don't want to miss on life's experiences. I don't want to die as if I had never lived.