I'm really sorry you are going through such a difficult time.
If your T's perception is that he hasn't changed, did he offer an explanation about why he didn't reply to your email? I suppose it's possible that it wasn't a deliberate decision not to reply.
I understand what you're saying about consistency. It's really important to me too, and I had a big rupture with T a couple of years ago for that reason. We repaired it, when T said that consistency is very important to me and that he had temporarily lost sight of that. It took a while to get the trust back.
I hope you take care of yourself, and sorry that this is such a difficult time.