To be honest, I don't engage with people long enough to give them the chance to know me and me them. I terminate any interaction prematurely or keep silent while being and feeling awkward and weird.

I was hesitant to write this, but one important thing that I feel I am missing is the romantic life. Many guys in University were talking to girls and faking reasons to do so, while I didn't. I pretended to not be interested, but the reality is that I was too afraid. All my peers knew their spouses and had some sort of relationships with them before they got married. The closest I came to was trying to ask a girl I liked in a language course out (and I was in my early 30s), and I didn't do it because I was too afraid of being rejected. I can live without friends, but I think the intimate life is something I keep thinking about and what it looks like and how it feels to love and be loved. But of course, I am not fun, not interesting, and not confident in person (by the way what I write here is more me, but when you see me in person, I won't be this person. I live two separate lives and people create two different images of me based on how I present myself, it seems), and I don't have a social life (which is a big red flag to many people, especially for ladies) how could I ever talk to a lady and impress her? It may sound absurd to some of you, but it is a serious issue for me. I want to be able to talk to girls and find a good match for me someday. I feel I will have to settle because of my lack of social skills only, regardless of all my other traits. With ladies, it doesn't matter what and who you are, if you don't talk and impress, you won't get anywhere. This is the main reason why I don't like being alone.

The other thing is my professional life is way too low for my qualifications, and this is because of my lack of connections and socializing, but I can live with this as well.