Don't get me wrong though, if there is a viable alternative to making a resume that won't get laughed right out the door for me when I have no provable job experience aside from contract work, never been to college, and only went to a trade school in a field that I no longer wish to work in, I am open to hearing it.

I just don't see any alternatives at this time that don't involve some kind of deception. Even volunteering to build references and waiting for the DRS just doesn't seem like it will be enough.

I would be more than willing to sell out my integrity to the highest bidder if necessary. I just don't want to go down that route if I don't absolutely have to.