Quote:
Originally Posted by Brown Owl
I came to the conclusion that both of my first two T's couldn't give me what I needed. I so wanted to believe that they were competent T's and that if I carried on trying to talk to them that we would work things out. I think I made the right decision to quit seeing them. It was very painful at the time though, and so hard to make that decision. I managed to do a positive ending of sorts with the first one, and she left her door open for me to return. I didn't do this with the second one, and I think that the pain of the ending will stay with me more because of this.
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I would love to be able to talk it over with him, which was sort of what I was doing with the email. I feel really hurt that he has chosen to leave it hanging, whether deliberately or as an oversight, and I am scared if I went back I'd stuff the hurt down and make it all my problem, just to keep access to whatever scraps of kindness and caring might turn up. Theoretically I know I should walk away from these people who have no real regard or respect for me, but in reality I get ridiculously attached to them. You were very brave in the way you managed things. I don't feel like I have enough clarity or strength to follow through and still be able to protect myself (from myself, at that point...I'd be the only person keeping myself there)