I am so sorry for how you are feeling. It's like you are reading my mind with so many of the thoughts and observations you've conveyed. I read these boards a little compulsively, searching for others who understand and are "one of my kind"

Doctors can't cure us, the wrong doctors can make us much worse as I've experienced. Love can help.....learning to love ourselves, loving others and letting others love us might be the only real medicine. (((Hugs)))