I understand where you are coming from. I have always had problems with my weight and have been on numerous diets throughout my life. Ever since my parents died about 5 years ago my eating has gotten out of control. Everyday I tell myself I won't do it and then I'm driving though a fast food joint in the way home. I am still in the closet so to speak- I don't think my wife even knows yet. I keep waiting for her to say something or look at the bank account and ask why I've been going to so many restaurants alone. I feel very out of control and don't know where to start. You aren't alone.