Thanks all for the replies. I don't know why, but the practice principle doesn't work with me. First of all, I am too scared and weak to try, and second if I tried and failed, I would isolate myself, and stop trying. Right now I feel so depressed on my whole situation. I just cannot figure it out why I am like this.

I know my upbringing has something to do with it, but why I cannot overcome it!! What makes things worse is that I have developed depression, so now I don't have the vitality that gives me the spark of life. I am more a walking dead than a living human beings. Often when I want to socialize, I imagine how bad I am going to look, then I get depressed over that thought, which either prevents me from trying, or if I tried it would be very cold.

I guess all of this puts people off: anxiety, lack of confidence, awkwardness, lack of vitality, silence, ... etc. One woman I know superficially yesterday followed me after the gathering I went to to say hi and I said hi, and that was all. I couldn't say anything else, and I walked away. Probably now she thinks I am rude but the fact is that I didn't know what to say, and if I said something I was afraid it would sound stupid and impolite (I think I have some ASD traits because sometimes I don't know the distinction between what is acceptable and what is not. I made some people angry in the past for things I thought it was OK to say).

I know you may think I am creating excuses, but the fear inside me is very powerful, and the weakness and lifelessness is so crippling. I know I am losing a lot because of this while others progress in life, yet I cannot overcome it. Sometimes I do well in some interactions, but these occasional good situations are quick to be forgotten, and has no effect on my core for next times.

Professionally, I wasn't talking about high level positions, but rather to get a job in a good company in my field. From there I can progress to higher positions. Now, I don't even get interviews. I applied for about 400 jobs, and got 1 personal interview, and one phone interview. That is it. People keep telling me to connect with hiring managers, and I don't know how to do that and what to say ... etc.

I hate to admit this, but as much as I hate not living life, I feel I don't want to live it, and then I weep over the fact that I am not living it. I know this doesn't make sense, but this is how I feel. I feel I am locked in a loop. I need help, but I don't want professional help.

The question is how someone can get out of this situation? How to make someone overcome his/her fear? How to find vitality to live? I am yet to discover these answers, if ever. Right now, I have a conviction that I will never live my life. I will die as if I had never existed. I am in my mid 30s now, and if I haven't lived my life in my youth, will I ever live it? Doubtful. I cry sometimes over this fact about my life, but of course tears do nothing positive to me, it is just a temporary relief.

I know some people struggle in social settings, but I haven't seen someone like me in social situations and interacting with people. I mean, some people would say I am alone or not sociable, but then you discover they have one or more friends, and/or a boyfriend/girlfriend. I am a complete disaster socially, literally speaking. No one would like to do anything with me, I guarantee you that, because it happens with me all the time.

This was too long, but yes, these are my main issues and challenges. I know what I have to do, but I cannot do them and I don't have the motivation to do them. I don't know why nothing motivates me to change, although sometimes I cry and feel so much pain over the fact I am so alone and miserable and not experiencing what life has to offer!!

Open Eyes, I think your family is lucky to have someone like you who is open minded and understands the psychology of people well. Society doesn't understand these dynamics and differences. It measures people against the same measure, and he/she who doesn't measure up will be dropped without any consideration. That being said, I don't blame society. It is the way it is.

I suspect I have ADHD, because I cannot concentrate and my mind goes blank a lot when talking to people, which affects the quality of my tries above the aforementioned causes. But I don't focus on the labels.