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The question is how someone can get out of this situation? How to make someone overcome his/her fear? How to find vitality to live? I am yet to discover these answers, if ever. Right now, I have a conviction that I will never live my life. I will die as if I had never existed. I am in my mid 30s now, and if I haven't lived my life in my youth, will I ever live it? Doubtful. I cry sometimes over this fact about my life, but of course tears do nothing positive to me, it is just a temporary relief.
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My very painful solution is doing something where you are forced to be a public speaker and interact with people on a long term basis. I was shy and unable to speak with people until I got a job where I do a lot of public speaking and basically I command the room. At a certain point it just pushes you so far outside your comfort zone that you become comfortable and also, by interacting you get to see what other people do. You also gain confidence by seeing the way that others respond to you.
You mentioned you lose your sense of self but I have noticed by interacting with a lot of people I lose my sense of self too but sometimes literally pick up other people's personalities. This is a positive thing as you can use other people's good qualities for yourself.
In terms of particulars you need to memorize three bull topics to talk about when things get slow. Mine are
- weather
- an feature of the house / car etc
- and something that the person is wearing.
So yesterday when that person came out and said "hi" and you were stymied for something to say. You could say, "hi, wow surprised your hear with this weather?" it is just a jumping off point.