Dear T,

I am doing this drawing for you, but right at this moment I am not sure that I want to give it to you. I don't know how I feel about any of this at the moment.

I think it is just a) taking so very long to draw that it seems a waste of my time to give it to you and b) turning out quite well and so I don't want to give it away.

Last week I really wanted to give it to you because it would have been something nice to do, as a reminder for you of your holiday and of me, but these last couple of days I have been thinking that I have quite possibly ruined your holiday anyway, by telling you that I might struggle while you are away, by struggling last time.

But then, I don't think I have any 'power' over you in that way. As in, how I am probably makes no difference whatsoever to your life, outside of the therapy room. That is good, in a way, because you need to be you, without me, so that you can be you, with me. That makes a lot of sense to me but I am not sure that you will understand that in any way whatsoever. It is things like that which you just do not seem to get. There is quite a lot which you do not seem to get.

Oh dear, where are we going with this. This morning I woke up thinking I was done with therapy all together. Thinking that things are actually going pretty well without it, without you. I am not sure I want you to come back anymore.

(PS. That does not mean that I want anything to happen to you. I want you to be OK, I just needed to clarify that.)

This is probably good fodder for the letter, I suppose.