Thanks, Skies. It feels like life and death for me right now. I have really bad PTSD, I can't go home because of what happened there, but I can't live up in the air forever, either. And he feels Like the only comfort I can find. It's ridiculous, because I have a very loving, very safe, very caring husband who would be that safe place in a heartbeat. But I can't let him in.

I feel like I would put up with anything from T, because as warped and sick and wrong as it is, he is all I feel I have. And I don't know how to stay tethered to the planet if I don't have him.

I know all this sounds crazy. I am starting to realise just how bad a shape I am in, and that whatever I am doing to stay sane and functional just isn't enough. I need some pretty heavy duty help right now.