Exactly what's in the title. I don't want to spill out my life story here as I'm sure you don't want to read it, but I'm at my wit's end and I don't know what to do anymore.

Pretty sure I've had anxiety and depression to different extents throughout my entire life, although I wasn't diagnosed (with GAD) until I was 18. Went through a slew of SSRIs, none of which did the trick. Was off medication for a while, did decently. During this period, met a boy where I worked, moved in together and got engaged.

Over the next couple years, things slowly got pretty bad. Horrible anxiety, intrusive thoughts, depression that wouldn't let me get out of bed. My GP tried a couple more SSRIs, made things even worse. I got to a point where I felt like I was going to snap, like I was losing touch with reality and like I'd be best if I just got 'locked up.' Went to see a psychologist, and after the first session she said I was easily diagnosable as having OCD, which is the first time I'd heard that even as a possibility.

Anyway, as of about 3 months ago I was started on Luvox, now on 100mg, and Buspar, 10mg three times per day.

I have no clue what to think. Within the first week I had panic attacks and delusions a couple times. I was terrified and again thought I was going to get locked away, but my husband says with these meds sometimes things get worse before they get better. Things started improving, I still had occasional bad days, but they were much farther apart than before. I started the full 100mg about 3 weeks ago, and I just don't know.

I'm just not happy. It sounds so stupid, and I know it hurts my husband because he thinks it's something he's doing or that I want something else, but it's not that at all. I realize I have the life I always dreamt of. Everything is perfect, but my brain is just so ****ed. I buy all these crafts and video games and stuff that I know I'll love and I know will make me happy, and then I get home and just.... sit there. I don't want to go anywhere. I don't want to be with people. I just want to lay in bed and forget every thing. But somehow at the same time, I'm so ****ing sad because I have no friends and I'm scared the way I act is going to make him not love me anymore. I'm scared that I'm going to wake up one day and be 40, and I will have wasted my life quite literally doing nothing in a depressed stupor.

But I don't know what to do. If I tell my doctor my meds are working, she'll leave me on them and they may not improve at all. If I tell her they're not working, I'm scared she'll take me off them and put me on something new, and I'll be wasting another huge chunk of my life waiting to see if they'll make me happy... but at the same time, I don't want to have to take any meds, because I feel like that makes me a real, official crazy person.