I earlier read a bit in a novel about an elephant hanged down South in 1916 or so for "murdering" an abusive trainer. I had heard it before - it's a true story - but tonight it set off a panic attack and even now I can't sleep with that image before me. For some reason I am identifying with the elephant, lost in a world I don't understand and suffering because of the choices others made with only their own self-interest in mind when they were entrusted with my care.