Ever since my previous therapist, who would butter meetings as "spiritual journeys" and focusing more on our personal connection rather than the things I tell him, buttering the meetings on and on, I can't trust therapy anymore. I can't trust someone who will work behind the scenes on something I DONT EVENT WANT HIM TO WORK ON!!!
When I'd insist on something else, at times he'd just go silent and COMPLETELY IGNORE WHAT I SAY!!!!!!!!

...

I want it on point, I want it a mind conversation, not a futile emotional and spiritual journey. I don't want to go to a therapist who plays God, the one with hidden intentions.

I have become anti-life - I hate almost everything about it. I feel trapped, wanted a family and now completely hopeless about it because of the difficulty in maintaining relationships, not wanting to bond with friends because those I want to bond with are those who have hurt me so much, hating the fact that I have no control over my life and that it's all about being less in control and who cares if you hurt people along the way (as has happened to a past close friend of mine and possibly other people).
I also don't want to create a family because of my social outcome as someone who has struggles connecting with people and the world - what will be of my kids if I can't have those connection abilities and may lay the same anger abuse as my father has?

I have absolutely no one to talk to. I feel people will dominate me if I talk about my issues more and more, that I'll gradually become the kid and they'll feel better about themselves because they see someone as weak.

Sorry, can't get on-topic without venting.
I want an on-point therapy. Any ideas? Other self-help ideas?