I'm struggling with change too. I want to change, I want to get "better", but I am almost afraid to. Something that crosses my mind all the time is, "What if I don't like the 'new' me?". What if the best I can be is the loner, anxiety prone, shell that I currently am? I was molded into the person I am today by a legacy of abuse. In general, I'm a pretty good person. Does it really matter that I cannot walk into a building that I've never been in before without scoping it out first? Does it matter that I can't stand someone being behind me? Does it matter that a person getting within my 3 foot zone causes me to go into a defensive mode? Does it matter that when I go to a movie that I have to site on the right side, towards the back in the outside seat, just in case I have to leave? Does it matter that I can't follow a conversation that includes more than one other person? Does it really matter that when I walk into a room of people I feel like all eyes are on me and I can imagine them saying "who is this loser that just walked in the room"? Does it matter that I turned down a golden opportunity at work, the opportunity to develop and deliver training in my area of expertise because the thought of standing in front of a group of people, many who I've worked with on projects and have known for 12 years causes me to panic? Does it matter that I really have no friends, that I don't trust most people, that I have no social group? I have work, and home. That's it. My husband suffers from depression, my daughter has MDD, Bipolar 2 and anxiety. I have CPTSD, probably PTSD, Depression and Anxiety. Yeah it all matters, I just can't seem to do what I need to do to move forward. Yes I'm concentrating on my daughter right now, but let's face it, her PDoc and therapist and her friends are the ones that are really helping her.

So anyway, I don't think you're alone.