Personally, I've been conflicted about this very subject for awhile now and the reason why I am so resistant to change is simple:

I want an easy way out. I don't feel like I should have to struggle and spend years seeking treatment or working through my problems and I would rather take the easy way out. I have a strong aversion towards work unless the reward is good enough to justify the amount of work I put it, in which, I don't see getting better as being worth the amount of work I would have to put in especially since I realize that no matter how hard I try I will never be 100% cured of my "issues".

In short, I am chronically lazy. I would rather hide from my problems than face them. I would rather bury my head in books or play online video games then even try to seek out professional help in the real world or work on my social issues. Why should I have to suffer through years of treatment when I will most likely never be fully rid of my issues? I didn't choose to have a screwed up childhood. I'm the victim here; most other people have it easier than me. I don't need to change; society does. At least, this has been my attitude up to this point.

In fact, it's easier to lie, cheat, and steal to get my basic needs met and I've done them all. I've hurt people, scammed people, and pushed people away who wanted to help me. I've even threatened people and put fear in people as a desperate attempt to hide my insecurities.

So why am I even here or why do I even bother you might ask?

I don't really know. If I would have to guess though, it's because I cling to that tiny sliver of light that remains in my being. I think there is something holding me back from becoming a true monster. Maybe I crave love? Maybe I'm scared of the consequences of my actions? Maybe I think if I delve too far into darkness, I wouldn't be able to enjoy the light?

I honesty don't know anymore.