Hi Mr. Stranger, I am going to respond in detail later. I just wanted to let you know I'm going to, but am unable to right now. I think that you are motivated to become motivated! I think you are asking good questions too, even though I don't like your 'why' because it's leading to answers that make you feel badly about yourself and which I see untrue. I think...maybe 'why' then, can be a good question actually. Because you ARE trying to understand. I just think, coming to negative conclusions, is not helpful. I'd like to see you ask the question "how can I cultivate hope?" "How can I feel better about myself?" Because those are questions with answers too.