So, this is more for me, than anyone else. I'm not sure if I will have a question for people to answer, but I'd like to write out my experience at church today, to process. If people want to comment, they can..

I started going to a new church. Today was my second time in a row I went there. It's unitarian and seems very open and accepting. I know about it because I go to a meditation group at the same church. My meditation facilitator, and someone I consider a friend, sat with me in the pew today It was so nice. Afterward, she asked how I am, and i felt like I said too much. I was trying to be polite, but I was already overwhelmed by the new environment, and what came out of my mouth sounded negative about my life, like i feel like it sounded "Sad." The truth is, I didn't really want to even talk about it, in that setting. I'm not working, and I really don't know what to say about it other than that. She knows that too. And didn't push me. But I said more about it, and wished i hadn't. It just made me sound pitiful. And I am not pitiful even though I'm not working! I'm working towards working, too. she mentioned she's mad at her family, for voting for trump. I then mentioned that my family voted for trump too (I didn't), but I think we had different views on what is acceptable about that kind of thing. My view: voting for trump is acceptable, (though weird in family conversations sometimes and uncomfortable). Her view seemed to be that voting for trump is not acceptable. She mentioned that I live with my family, so that must be really hard (it is hard, living with my family, but not for that reason really). It's weird, I felt like I had to say that it was difficult for that reason, even though it's not, and I think I was scared about not being accepted by her if i said otherwise. She's really nice, so I don't know why I was scared. It's probably my own issue. Anyway, the conversation sucked. Though, I love this person and think she's such a great meditation facilitator and person.

I think, not working and not having a job, is very much in the forefront of my mind when I talk to people sometimes, about my own life. The lack. Like, how I stack up against others. It shouldn't be that way, I know. I shouldn't feel that way but i guess i do.

You know, I think this is ok. I think...it's just really hard for me to feel good about myself for having a mental health disability right now. It's hard to admit. because I feel so normal. Because I equate disability with less worth. Wow. I never admitted it like that before. It's...I don't think of it like that for other people. I shouldn't see it that way for myself. <3