Dear T,

Depressed still, but I feel like a real piece of **** after today.

Started off the morning by listening to a song I liked -- a happy song, might i add -- and then I kept clicking the "related videos". After about 15 "related videos" later, I somehow (?) ended up watching videos about a girl who had bacterial meningitis and lost all of her limbs at the age of 19. She was permanently scarred from all the "burns" that the meningitis caused, too.

It made me feel like ****. Like, I was all depressed and **** and feeling sorry for myself. Then after watching her video, I was like, "wow, i'm a real piece of ****."

Then I was like, "Nah, I shouldn't be so hard on myself. I have a mental illness." But of course, I somehow started watching videos about severe forms of different mental illnesses who were permanently disabled and severely suffering. (It started off where I was watching a video about BIID, which is a disorder that leads to a healthy person wanting to amputate a limb or somehow disable themselves. So yeah, I went from the girl who was a quad amputee to BIID amputation videos to people with severe mental illnesses.)

I was like, "Well, ****... I'm a REAL piece of **** now."

WHAT THE ****.

tl;dr - don't EVER watch YouTube when you're depressed