I think that, as with most things, self-esteem and self-worth don't happen in a vacuum and they are a combined result of our personal image and assessment of ourselves (based less on quantifiable "data" and more in spiritual, philosophical, moral beliefs regarding our human condition) and our assessment of external factors such as the way we fare in society, the way society perceives us, the way people treat us, etc.

In my opinion, the whole self help/inspirational quotes fad of "You only need love from yourself" or "No one can love you before you love yourself"(which I always found not only proven to be untrue but also highly insulting and insensitive because a lot of people, like those with mental health issues, will never be able to "love" themselves as society asks of them and don't we deserve love too?) and other things like that, are incomplete and incorrect.

Why? Well, I agree that you need to also work hard with yourself in order to understand yourself and accept yourself just as you are and realize that, yes, as a living creature on this Earth, you have an intrinsic worth and are worthy of being loved, accepted, treated kindly, by yourself and others.

But there's more than intrinsic worth and we are social beings living in a socially connected world where even the water we drink was made available because there are people who take care of that. We exist and thrive and advance because we are programed to live together, to cooperate, to need eachother, to fulfill each other's needs for all sorts of things including the emotional.

So of course it's normal for self esteem and self worth, your general self image to be based in that too, in how you are treated, how you're seen, the boxes you're put into, the worth others and society as a whole seem to ascribe to you. That's ok, it's good for calibration too, just like every scientific theory has to be tested multiple times to be proven true.

The problem appears not from needing that bit of validation and to be able to fulfill your emotional and practical needs, which others have a role in too, but from whether or not you can use it as you should.

It's a bit strange to ask someone to just completely have no issue with themselves and not suffer from loneliness or from feeling hurt and ostracized, to have no self esteem issues when they're always bullied, they've been abandoned or abused or ostracized, etc. When there's too much of the bad stuff and too little or no positive experiences, even if you are aware of your intrinsic worth, even if you know you're not wrong for being how you are, it doesn't change the fact that it seems the rest of the world doesn't see that. And it is a problem, as a social being, you do need to connect, you need affection, you need to belong, you're wired for it.

Now, when you have someone who has had some negative experiences but you can also see they've had positive ones, that they've had good opportunities, that they have some people around them trying to show their love and appreciation of them and yet they have no affect on that person...that's when there's indeed a problem that is more focused inside at that point and that requires more work with the self. It's not knowing or not being able to absorb or see the positive messages presented, to accept the love, accept the acceptance, that signals a issue separate from your current environment.

I think our true worth, external worth ,has to do with love, all kinds of love, all degrees of love...because love involves need too and it involves fulfilling someone's emotional needs and if you can be kind and helpful and compassionate ,to the best of your ability, if you are loved...that is worth, not how much money you earn, how many hours u can spend at work and so on.