Well I had a good Saturday and a mostly good day today but as usual I am starting to become anxious about work. I know what I'm doing tomorrow, I don't know why I am so anxious about work. I guess I just know I'm an ineffective teacher and it gets me down. I can't control my class at all and I have no idea why. It's me, there's something about me because I had the same problems in my old school. And apparently my students don't act crazy in their other resource class (except the girl, she's a problem everywhere). So I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I'm going to get fired at the end of the year bc my observations weren't so great and I didn't make my SGOs. I think bc I'm new to the district they might give me another year to improve but I'm not sure.

And in other news, I'm in a medication quandary. Invega has caused my prolactin to skyrocket which has caused massive weight gain and prediabetes. I have lost some weight through low carb but seem to have plateaued. Plus my insurance won't cover the invega anymore anyway. But here I am, the most stable I've been in years (save for the anxiety). Why do I have to choose between a healthy mind or a healthy body? I'm considering switching to vraylar but I am absolutely terrified I will destabilize. I can't work when I am unstable and I know the public school district will NOT be forgiving of long absences as my private school was. I guess the only ting to do is try it and if I destabilize go back to invega pills instead of injection and suffer the physical side effects.

Bipolar blows.