I know this forum is not one of the most highly visited, but here's hoping my thread catches the eye of someone who's been through this, or expects to.

On another forum, I poured out the emotions of my situation. But this thread is for the practical aspects. I am dealing with so much alone. I know there is a wealth of experience out there. Some of you are veterans, or family of vets. I've never planned this for anyone. One of my sisters arranged everything for my parents' funerals. I'm even shy of asking her anything. We aren't close. I'm finding that people don't like talking about what they spent on a funeral . . . afraid of being judged, I guess, that they spent too little, or too much. So, even from my immediate family, I hear different figures . . . inconsistent feedback that tells me I'm not hearing the plain facts.

I've only ever arranged the burial of my dog . . . and managed to have something that was very comforting . . . for $400. (She's in a beautiful place that provides perpetual care.)

My longtime companion and love of my life is in seriously failing health. He's about 20 years older than me, so I am still young enough to care for him in his home. His adult children seem to have less interest in the final arrangements for their father than I had in the ones I made for my dog. The main message I get is that they don't want to spend any money. He was not real responsible about making provisions for himself. So I've helped him save up almost $4500 toward flying him across the country to be buried in a national cemetery for veterans near his children, where their mother is already buried. (His family was just going to have a direct cremation.)

I'm not his wife and I don't want to have his kids mad at me. But, if he and I can save up the money, I want him to be buried, as he wants to be. So this will involve two funeral homes 2000 miles apart, a plane trip to transport remains and questions about what to do where. His kids have already said that will be way too complicated. I don't think it's too complicated.

Anything anyone can tell me, or warn me about, will be much appreciated. He signed permission to be embalmed here by a local funeral parlor. I talked to funeral parlors near the national cemetery, 2000 miles away. They've given me conflicting advice about what should be done where - like the process of "casketing." (Here, or there?)

Maybe someone out there who has been through all this can provide a few tips. Besides the casket, do we need to buy anything else for the grave - like a vault?

My condolences to anyone who may be grieving a loss.