I am having the serious urge to self destruct and i dont know what to do about it i feel like i need to stop taking all my meds and i want to cry and scream at somebody i dont feel like i should trust anyone like i feel like my doctors and mental health worker are just trying to control me or suppress me in some way. like the medications are just a way to get rid of the real me. i want to go outside on a mountain and shout at the top of my lungs i want to feel things again i want to be in touch with the universe again i want to be FREE. I dont know what to do i am feeling a pull towards these things and it is strong very strong i dont know what to think. i am agitated and angry but i want to cry. i am not even sure what i am asking here maybe i just needed to let this out. i dont know!