A "regular" therapist will NOT be who you want to go to! In the USA there are Women's Crisis Lines, and Abuse Recovery groups, most of which are free. A woman specialist in abuse is what you need now, and/or a group.

This sounds like a marriage I had. Your husband's behavior towards you is abusive. Plus, he is not working, you say....sponging off you and spending YOUR money!!! You must get assistance from a women's support group to leave him. He is ruining your life. You say "for years" the pattern has been over and over. You say "I am permanently unhappy. I always think 'if i do this/change that then maybe I'll be happy' so i do things, change things, over and over for years." So many abused women have the exact same experiences, with few variations. You husband knows EXACTLY WHAT HE IS DOING TO YOU. I know -- from my own experience -- that this is hard or impossible to believe. It took a lot of education, and proving to myself that these men DELIBERATELY mistreat sweet, loving women. (Sometimes there are men abused by women; and different non-hetero unions have these problems, too; but in hetero relationships it's mostly women who are abused).

It will be tough to leave him. Tough to want to leave him. Tough to leave safely. There are difficulties ahead, but think of this: "Do I want to live like this for the rest of my life???" There is life after abuse!!! I've had several abusive marriages, and some abusive bosses and co-workers, too. So I do know how it is for you. You will be able to move head, and protect your son, once free of him. You will likely grieve, despite your decisive actions, but give yourself a BIG CHEER once you and your son are free of him! Then gradually start getting together with friends, and take part in things you enjoy! I'm root'n for you, and know you can do this. Thousands -- likely millions -- of women have been successful, after years of enduring abuse, to get their life and health back.