Friday I sent in the email telling my state licensure board that it is time for me to cancel my license. The one that took me 7 years of higher education to earn (and a huge amount of student loans). the one that let me do the thing I loved most in all the world. It sucks. And reaching the decision to go on disability was both agonizing and so clear when the time came. At least for me there was a point that it was just so obvious that I had reached the end of line and I didn't have to wonder.

I also just admire you so much for wanting/trying to work on clozaril. I can't imagine working while taking it; it makes me so tired. It's saved my life and I love it but it requires a lot of sleep and my brain just doesn't work fast enough to even volunteer. Maybe someday but certainly not anytime soon.

Do what your heart leads you to do and reassess that as needed.