Growing up, I never questioned my sexuality or gender identity. Frankly, I didn't really care much. Of course, in the early and mid 90's, gender identity wasn't a popular topic. Or maybe it was, but it wasn't in my family or even my neighborhoods​ (I lived in many at different stages in my life). But, even as young as 5, I was always... unusual. I suppose it's normal for a young boy to dress up in girls' clothes, and maybe even to enjoy it. Honestly, there wasn't a sexual interest involved. Well, not until later when things got a bit more... complicated. But even then, it wasn't really about getting excited. I explored this as I aged and especially after I left home. A few years ago ago, I decided I was transgender. But, honestly, I'm not sure.

Most of the time, nowadays, I don't really think about it. I'll wear any clothing, even if it's obviously feminine. I enjoy wearing feminine clothing more than men's. And while I often wish I had been born female, I don't make any conscious effort to be feminine. I mean, I don't make a conscious effort to do much of anything. I find that I generally don't care about anything for long, and often forget things quickly.

I'm just not sure quite what to consider myself, or if it even matters. But, it's still sometimes awkward to think this way in such a unforgiving society. It does have an impact on my social life, which is pretty much my entire existence. I'm on disability, and don't really do much besides hang with friends and waste time on my phone. My friends understand and aren't bothered by it, but making new friends or dating is more difficult. And, while I've yet to get any comments or outright threats, I have been glared at viciously for wearing a skirt in public.

Any thoughts on this would be appreciated, but mostly it's just nice to write it out.