I wouldn't say I hate myself, but I often feel ashamed about things I did, I get angry with myself and more than anything I become very frustrated.

I wonder why it is so hard for me to control myself and I feel that I became a person that I don't want to be: I don't treat myself well, I feel cold inside and very much out of control. I don't live up to my own expectations anymore.

I think a lot about it why I do this, if I could just easily be doing things well, but I guess the point is that in the end it is not so easy, otherwise I would probably manage.

Sometimes I feel so freaked out by all the stuff I did that I just want to skip town to never have to face all the people again, that I have embarrased myself in front of.