You are a beautiful human being worthy of your love and the love of others. It took me a long time to get towards self-acceptance but it was worth the effort, and a T to help me along. Still, I do have my bad days where I hate myself but it doesn't last long anymore and as one of the posts above said, we all hate ourselves sometimes. Try some self-nurturing skills and be very gentle on yourself. you have been, and are still going through, so much. It is not your fault. The illness can trick us into thinking that but it is a lie.