Sounds like you need to talk to these people you love and let them in on what's bothering you. You said it yourself they don't know how you are feeling or how to help. This is where your T should be able to help you. I'm thinking maybe going in patient might be a wise option for you. What do you think? It's really getting to be too much for you to handle and you need to get to a better place before talking with your loved ones. I still think that would be better communicated if a T could facilitate the meeting. Please go to the local emergency room and sign in . You could get some rest there and collect yourself.