I can sympathize with the crippling feelings of change & the fear of doing it. The negativity of how it's effected my life & the mindset of being lazy & stubborn. I feel very much the same way.
People told me I needed therapy. I did that & every med out there for 24 yrs. That I needed several hospitalizations bec I was a danger to myself. I did that. They said I needed emdr, cbt, ECT. I did all that. I needed marriage counseling. I did that. I needed to read books & to follow new philosophies. I did that. I did everything I was supposed to that others told me to do to help myself get better. Spent half my life trying to get better!

To me, they all ended in failure. Ok, not all failure bec I'm still alive & still looking for some hope, some relief. I'm still having the same issues that I did 10-15 yrs ago. So I'm called treatment resistant & have anger issues. I quit going to everything bec I didn't see progress.
So I turned to alcohol, that's short lived. Opiates, ran out of scripts & then sex as an escape. That was awesome, but I'm still left with myself in the end....& the same issues.
So I look at myself & think of all the change I need to do. And it's overwhelming & not pretty. And by now I'm lazy about it, like why try bec it's going to hurt people I love.
When I try to change things I'm good for about 2-3 days & then I get tripped up & fail. It gets harder & harder to get back up again.
With change comes fear. Fear of failure & fear of the unknown. It can lock us into a set space & can be terrifying. We make this space tighter for ourselves with our own negativity.
This is how I see it. I don't have any answers for it & ive become very cynical about the answers that are out there. Sorry.
But I do understand the power of these concepts in our lives & I know we're supposed to give it less power, to shrink it down to manageable size so we can deal with it. I do understand what you're dealing with.