That is something, already. Thank you.

I feel like I cannot share these experiences with anybody in the real world, because I don't want to see them look at me in disgust. I already have kind of the fame of being the "intelligent and kind of weird drinker". I don't like that. And just the thought of telling them ALL there is to tell makes me want to crawl in a cave and never come out again.

Doctors are so disappointing. Just because I am keeping it together on the outside doesn't mean it is not really bad on the inside. I feel SICK. Not just "not okay". Really ILL. I know there is something really wrong with me and I get so anxious thinking about how I am wrecking my life without anybody noticing.