I've hated myself for being bipolar, for feeling like I've been troublesome or a problem for other people to deal with because of it and at one time, I hated myself because I married my husband before we knew I had bipolar and I felt horribly guilty because my bipolar was awful after we got married. I'm convinced we fell in love and got married when I was manic. He had no idea what he was signing up for, but really, neither did I. I try to remind myself, I didnt know I had it either. We had some hard years during our first 10 years of marriage. I hate myself sometimes because my kids have seen me breakdown so badly that an ambulance was called to our house with the police cars and everything... and I hate myself because I tried to OD one time and my little girl curled up on the couch next to me and fell asleep with me while I was knocked out, dying. I've got trauma from my childhood that everyone easily says, It's not your fault - but I hate myself for it, I can't stand myself over it. So, loathing.... self hate...? Yep..got that one down to an expertise. I do try to forgive myself but it is so very hard.