Go ahead and cry if you need to, go scream into a pillow at the top of your lungs. It's ok to cry and it's ok to have a bad day or couple of days. Just don't give up and don't stop fighting. I also mentioned in another one of your threads that maybe your lithium level needs to be checked, too. I'm sorry you're feeling so bad right now. Things will get better. Bipolar is cyclical. And right now you're in rough place and it's important to remember that all the awful feelings and thoughts you're having are bipolar lying to you, changing your perception of what's really around you and also remember that you will cycle out of it. I know the waiting for when it will end is hard, but hang in there.