LadyShadow, write me anytime. I'm on and off this board depending on how I feel and how the people here effect me so don't think I'm ignoring you if I can't write back right away. I just wrote the other day that I don't crave alcohol but I'm craving it right now and really considering taking up drinking on the daily as it helps with some of my pain if I can just get it down and sometimes it's really fun which I really need right now. I've been asking my hubby to take me to a local bar to drink and sing and possibly meet some fun people. If my stomach and bowels would calm down I'd be there now. Perhaps this is not a good idea but it seems better than being in agony so I really do think I can understand your battle. The only problem is, I'm not religious and can't have religious talks or consider god a cure for any problems I or others have. I feel this would keep us from connecting as I know God is a big part of the equation for you.....but beyond that, I can relate to you I feel and I'm sorry for your struggles.