Sorry if I am stupid, but you are waiting for yourself, like inhabited by an alien? Is it that you feel disassociated or it is just you feel you don't have enough will to stop doing what you want to?
Sorry if I am asking this question. It is just to understand where you come from (and understand myself by the way. Sometimes I cannot stop doing stuff. And I see myself doing things I do not want to do and I feel there is a kind of force in motion that is beyond myself), particularly if I am alone