(((AmandaBroken))), I am so sorry about your very traumatic loss. It's totally understandable that you were in a bit of a fog for a while, that is "shock" or a kind of freeze that presents when involved in a major trauma where the brain has no way of knowing how to "deal" with the major trauma.
As far as this?:
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then the real changes started I started to dress sorta gothic. I wore very sexy clothes, revealing clothes, rebelled against the church, started to date a girl from church.
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When someone experiences a major trauma it's not unusual for that person to take steps towards doing things that change their identity. This is an effort to distance from the part of you that is very hurt/devastated and still can't process it other than to try to be someone else. It's actually an intelligent way to make an effort to move forward while distancing from something one is simply not in anyway able to process. It's a form of avoidance and trying to escape from reminders and create something very different away from the person one is when they experienced so much trauma.
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I honor my parents every day and visit the cemetery often.
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It's good that you honor your parents every day. As a parent myself, if I was killed in an accident and my child was left with that trauma of losing me, I would want her to find her way forward even though I was not physically there for her to support her. I would want her to remember the love I gave her and how much I wanted her to live a healthy life and go forward accomplishing in her life using how much I love her and want that for her. I would not want her to focus on the loss and trauma of losing me, or to change who she is as a person, how that is connected to the love I gave her while I was present in her life.
Honoring your parents means honoring what they wanted "for" you and I know your parents would not want you to spend your life grieving them and the trauma that took away their physical presence in your life. Your parents don't want the singing to become something sad, but instead something you could embrace as a comfort as you march forward in your life towards "living" your life in a positive way. They would want you to take "their lives" forward with you in a positive way rather than hold you back in the grief you experience instead. Your parents don't want you to change who you are, instead they would want you to continue to grow in who you are and grow from who you were and still can be. Even though your parents are gone, they would have rather that happen than have you lose your life. So honor that and think about living your life honoring your parents in that light.