I always wished I had a sister too. A twin would be nice but even just a regular sister, who knew me inside and out would be such a relief I cannot tell you. I always wanted a sister and used to beg my mother for a sister or brother but she had a hysterectomy so it wasn't in the cards.

I want Togo to group therapy but I've had such a hard time of it. In an IOP group my doctor sent me to, a very nasty women jumped down my throats when I said I didn't drink much (which was true). She called me a liar. The lady was an obvious alcoholic, the kind where is shows in the face and demeanor and so I imagine it was just projection but it really bothered me, made me think I looked like a drug addict and that is why I get treated bad. I cried to my friend and family and they all said I don't but I could t shake it. When my doctor put me in group therapy at age 15, I was there because I'd been criminally assaulted as a result of being bullied by a girl who unfortunately had lots of friends. Sexually assaulted as my best friend watched on. I was in group therapy with a girl who unfortunately was a cheerleader at the new school I transferred to, and she started bullying me with her cheerleading friends so I ran off and ran away from home and dropped out of school. Kaiser is partially responsible for that as I had no business being in GROUP therapy. It's cost effective for them though, so they shove it down my throat despite my pleas. Seems an overreaction but people just don't understand what I was going through. A few years later in my early 20's I went to group therapy and some man said "I'm sorry to tell you this babydoll but you will never make it in this world". I ran away crying. It's like people wait for me to be at my weakest point and then say the most harmful things possible. I could go on and on about group therapy and the abuse of strangers in a room who are not confined with confidentiality laws. It's not always helpful. I want to go back and try again so bad but I'm to weak and these people want to kill me. I know it's there own baggage that makes them do it, but that doesn't make it hurt any less.

I'm so lonely for my kind right now ....the pain is leaking from my face. Writing all this confirms how hopeless it all probably is but I do have some plans so maybe I'm wrong and all will work out. There was a movie with Steve Martin called the Lonely Guy and this thread is reminding me of the movie.