Hi Courtney, please talk to your GP and ask for a referral to a Psychologist, having bad thoughts does not mean you are going to act on them. Everyone presents a false face to the public, and I think you are being too hard on yourself. These things happened when you were 18, how old are you now? You are clearly worried about this, you will not find an answer talking to people with ASPD, but one of us could easily manipulate you into doing something stupid. Please talk to a Psychologist, they are not scary and it will be helpful.