Dear Dr. S, How can I need you so much and not want you at all? I think it is all in those boundaries. The ones you won't cross. I want to scream at you for not crossing them. I want to rage and the only reason I can come up with is because you won't hold me and let me cry.

I feel like ***** for so many things. I feel like you don't want me. You didn't/couldn't make time for me today... not to see me in person. Even though Mondays are a usual day for us. You responded to all my emails. I kind of wished you wouldn't so I could just be mad. Instead I end up feeling like ***** because you gave and I want more.

I feel like a bad person. Those irrational thoughts are coming in...like if only I hadn't had the surgery... they are not real.

37 hours and counting let's see if I can keep myself from emailing you. You sure and won't email me.

-me