John....

I reread your posts and wanted to stop back and share some thoughts with you. First, I believe that the best relationships are those where there is a connection on a mental, emotional and physical level. In my first marriage we initially clicked mentally and emotionally. We were best friends for a long time. Our physical connection was OK, but I was young and didn't really know what I wanted in that regard. Over the years I discovered my exwife to be very manipulative and verbally/emotionally abusive. We stopped clicking emotionally which all but ended the physical relationship. I got to the point where I craved a passionate relationship. I wanted to experience wonderful physical intimacy. I used to watch a movie and see a couple in a deep, passioante kiss and think "I want that too".

After the break up of my marriage I found myself drawn to women that I was physically attracted to and also had that craving for physical intimacy. And, while I discovered the terrific physical intimacy I was seeking, the mental and emotional connection was not there. I found it very difficult to have it all. Many people would suggest that "you should not settle"... others would say "its all about compromise". I guess the bottom line is that it is about trade offs, it all depends on what you are willing to trade off.

After a couple disasterous relationships that largely revolved around physical intimacy I did discover a wonderful woman that I developed a profound love for. We did click on a mental and emotional level. Our physical relationship was going very well. She did have limitations, but nothing that I couldn't live with. And, she certainly did not have the "appetite that I did". But, again I was willing to trade off because I loved the mental and emotional closeness.

Then my depression kicked in big time and I pushed her away. I created this "monster" that she would have to hate because I was suicidal. I simply did not want her to be close to me, in love with me if I were to die. We did get back together once and our relationship was never the same. She developed a lck of trust in me that could never be regained and accused me of the unthinkable. She was not open to me and our emotional closenss suffered and the physical intimacy was never the same. I knew that she was holding back. The only time that the physical intimacy was great was after she had a little wine. One night I asked her if I could give her a mssage. While she said ok, it never materialized, she was never really into it. And, I love the sensuality of giving a good massage. I felt the same rejection I experienced in my marraige all over again. Although, this time it was the result of my own foolishness.

She is convinced that I didn't want her because physically she isn't what I wanted. Actually, I found her quite attractive, still do. She also thinks that I am obssessed with sex. She thinks that for all men, to use her words "Its all about the box". To that I say Bull S***. I see nothing wrong with wanting a healthy physical relationship. It just all depends on how far you are willing to compromise.

I have experienced a great physical relationship, but that grows old very, very quickly without the mental and emotional connection. But, not having your physical needs fulfilled can also be equally as frustrating.

For me it matters not any more as my girl friend is now my ex girl friend. I was too successful in pushing her away. And, as a result I have neither my mental, emotional or physical needs fulfilled.

Just be very careful in what you do to fulfill your desire for physical fulfillment. It can impair your judgement and you are likely to make some major mistakes that you will regret for a long, long time.