I need help...I don't know what to do. I can't explain my problems to anyone. I keep everything inside, and even if I wanted to tell someone something, it's like I can't because it doesn't truly exist. Nothing makes sense to me. I'm 25, but I honestly act like a child. The doctor once told me I act like a six year old, which hurt...

I think I have some sort of mental problem, but I can't tell what it is. I'm dx with schizophrenia, but I think it's wrong. It's something else. Something that can't be explained by anyone or known because it doesn't exist.

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to go to school anymore. I don't want to find work. I feel no one wants me. Well, it's actually true. I don't understand why people reject me, I can't understand it at all. I think... I reject other people before they can even reject me. But the opposite is also true. People rejected me all my life. I stay away from most people, I don't have any friends, or anyone besides my immediate family. I just want to go to the fields and die.

No one can possibly understand me because I don't really exist. I don't have feelings, or emotions, or thoughts, or anything at all. My family, I sometimes wonder if they're my 'real' family. I can't be sure of anything in this world. That's the real problem. I can't be sure of anything, and when I'm not sure I get scared.

Everything is a contradiction to me. My mind is a mess. Sure, I can write this out but that doesn't mean it's true. Nothing is true. Nothing.

I guess that's all for now... I'm sorry...